I am guessing alcohol is what the issue is. While not an expert as I don’t drink, I have dealt with a few people in my life that did. A lot. I will let others with more direct personal experience comment more. However I think you already know this, you need to get out of the situation with your friend. Being with another addict only can make things much worse and seems like what triggered the smoldering kindling that was already there.
Second, while I can’t really comment on the girls thing, I can almost for sure say whatever your line of work alcohol isn’t making you better at it. I have seen this type of with all due respect excuse used in many ways with other alcoholics. We all have a tenancy to deceive ourself a bit and I have done it myself in many other areas. At the end of the day, nothing positive comes from alcohol when you boil it all down. Nothing.
Get out of that situation bro first step and go from there with people who have direct experience helping alcoholism. I am sure other can chime in with more specific advice.
So ive done my share of everything. The one thing that always comes to mind is what an old vietnam vet at an old job said. Every year the same group got together to quit smoking together. And ever year they failed. They asked him to join and he always said no. One year he said ill quit when i stop enjoying it. I think it applies to everything. I used to do a lot of blow. then i just stopped enjoying it and that was a rap. Probably been a year since ive done it. And two years since it was a regular thing. Id go on fast food benders being lazy. Last time i ate at sonic or wendys i was just disgusted and almost puked. I can still do chick fila and arbys, jersey mikes but not much else. Bars were a big thing every week and i just stopped enjoying them so now i go once in awhile and for payperview stuff. Used to drink a few beers a day. Ow they just sit here. Dont even like em. I can stomach cheap liquor anymore. So atleast beam and coke or pepsi. In the summer heat gas station slurpee and a mini bottle or two of good tequila clear, or clear rum, or clear vodka. But all it took was an i dont enjoy that anymore. Maybe youll get lucky and not enjoy it. Or maybe youll have to force yourself to not enjoy it. but im afraid thats how its going to be.
Man, that’s a tough spot to be in. Relapse is a beast, but recognizing it is the first step. You’ve got the strength to get back on track, remember what got you clean before and focus on that. Maybe start with small gym goals, even just showing up is a win.
I know exactly what you’re talking about bro. Before I start I’ll tell you step 1: you GOTTA change your surroundings. That alone isn’t even close to a fix but it is a necessity.
Since it’s making work better, I’m guessing it’s the powder. Yeah, you’re right, it does. Definitely draws the women too.
I’ve done excessive amounts of pretty much everything but the drink was my #1 problem. When I got to the point that I wanted to change I basically talked myself into thinking that I didn’t like being drunk. That would work for a week or two but I’d be right back at it before long. Prison didn’t work. Counseling didn’t work. AA didn’t work. My own fucking willpower wouldn’t do it.
The last time I got locked up I was looking at at least 4-8 plus a parole hit. When I was on my way to jail I saw a school bus and realized that I wouldn’t get to see my youngest daughter graduate.
I never was Godly. In fact, I was pretty strongly against Him. Very outspoken about it too. Hell, my name on here used to be Satan…
The night before court I reached out to both the dark and the light (spiritually speaking). When I talked to God I wasn’t nice. The next day I received my miracle. Charges dropped. That doesn’t happen in my county. But it happened to me.
I’m not gonna preach to you but God is the ONLY thing that worked for me. I will suggest you explore that as an option though.
I’ve held grudges against people for some fairly minor shit. Alcohol straight fucked my life up over and over again but I never even considered getting mad at it.
I ended up doing 6 months for a parole violation but I was there to watch my baby girl get her diploma.
I haven’t drank since and it hasn’t been a struggle. Used to be anything gave me the urge to drink. Nice day, holiday, seeing a beer ad, passing a bar, fuck man, any damn thing. Don’t even think about it now. I bought a bottle of vodka about a year ago and haven’t opened it. I guess it was to prove to myself that this was real. Well, I touched it tonight after reading your post. I got it out of the cupboard and threw it the fuck away.
I wish you the best and I’ll pray for you brother. PM me if you want
God bless…
Is it the alcohol or the blow or both? The fact that you made this post is a step in the right direction. First thing though you definitely gonna have to move out of your buddies place.
Man, that’s a tough situation. First thing’s first, you gotta get out of that environment with your buddy. Being around that stuff is a major trigger.
Partying is fun but it’s the addiction telling you things are going well. Understand that these chicks are not out of your league. The chicks partaking in that lifestyle are ALL easy. During my active alcoholism, I was in sales. I thought I was in the show MADMEN and truly believed the booze helped grow my book of business…
Iron sharpens iron. Surround yourself with someone who will make you stronger. I too always became a product of my environment. We know what you’re capable of. Start with believing that yourself! 
Put the bat down bro and just focus on small wins right now today to go back into the right direction. If it’s got ya, it’s got ya just know this is meant to be a stepping stone not a tombstone. Someone mentioned changing your surroundings. I think this is the most important thing right now.
Blow. I used to drink a lot, but dont care for it now unless it’s some kind of occasion.
My son is a freshman in college. A friend he met there is hooked on blow at the age of 18.
They are trying to get him off but its been an uphill battle
If you like blow, alcohol is nothing but a side dish.
You’ve been down this road before and know how it works man. It’s fun and creates great heightened experiences until it starts to take over and things turn dark and are no longer fun and all the positives you associate with it now no longer exist and you’re in a viscous cycle. You know how this works man and you’ve conquered it before. Stop before it gets to that point. Sounds like the first step needs to be changing your surroundings. You know the difference the right or wrong environment makes. Use your prior experience to right the ship now.
Meth and blow bring out a confidence that cant be matched. No matter how on top of life you are clean, those drugs can do it better. Meth for me, I could do it all. Fuck better, fight better, rob better. But the confidence those drugs bring out is second to none. Clean 12 years now. Hope you get it together but I get it. What was even better was slammin dope and being on tren.
Get help brother. Dont wait. Whatever works for you, everyone gets clean in different ways. But the big thing bro is remember People places and things, those 3 will almost always be the source of a relapse. We can’t be around people using, cause we’ll use, we can’t be at places where using is ok, cause we’ll justify it. And know what things or happenings that trigger you cause trauma or loss or certain times of the year can cause us to fall back in to old ways. But I really hope you find the help you need to get dry. And don’t make excuses to wait. We can’t come up with a 1000 reasons to keep using man but it only takes 1 to get clean.
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